how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
