Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
