I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
