i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
