I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
