What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
