I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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