its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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