are you still at the devil's house?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
