I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
