Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
