I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
