At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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