I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
