Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
