So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
