his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
