I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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