They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just invented taco cereal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
