I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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