i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
