True but thats because hes a fetus.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry about my life...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
