3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
