Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
