I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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