i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
