and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
