Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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