this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sext me about skeletons
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
