But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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