Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
