If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
