how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
