when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
