i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
