grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
