I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
