I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
