The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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