so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
