I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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