margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
