I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love you. Go after that dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
