hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
