You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
