So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
