i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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