dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
