Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
