I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
