Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
