no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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