Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
